“Machete” 2010

 

Rated A for Awesomeness in my notes, “Machete” makes a brilliant and highly watchable entertainment. Mark my words - this masterpiece will be remembered. Man, just take a look at these posters! And here straight away you may get confused. Steven Segal and Robert De Niro together? Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriquez with Danny Trejo as the heroic and romantic lead Machete who gets all the women? Yes, it is hilarious. This movie is a good joke, yet some Americans don’t get it. The politically sensitive theme of Mexican immigration with illegals portrayed as good guys and Americans being bad must be the reason for such confusion. At the end of the day however, “Machete” makes safely and entirely meaningless entertainment full of purposefully over the top violence and gore. Anyone trying to take this movie seriously as a political statement or even as a serious action movie for that matter must have been depleted from sense of humour. The directors - Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis, have done a great job with total lack of  political correctness - not just about politics or religion - and so did the actors. It looks like they all had a lot of fun making this movie. Maybe ‘Machete don’t text’ but Danny Trejo as ex-federale chick magnet seeking for revenge with his stern face and ‘you fucked with the wrong Mexican’ attitude is frigging awesome.  Michelle Rodriguez as revolutionary Shé (another joke if you think Che Guevara) is incredibly hot and tough with her bra being a gun holster. Hot chick Jessica Alba plays a persistant U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer who knows what the law says but does what is right. Oh, and by the way,  she practices martial arts by playing video games. Robert DeNiro as senator John McLaughlin (yes seriously) finds pleasure with videotaping himself during safari-like hunting down Mexicans crossing illegally the border. Cheech Marin as a rouge Padre is better with guns than with prayers. The scenes and scenery in the church belong to the best including lacking of any taste cross made from CCTV monitors. Lindsay Lohan's role as a slutty drug addict is a joke in itself. Then there is Steven Seagal as a powerful drug lord and Machete's main opponent in machete vs samurai sword duel. Now put all the above togheter and add a lot more - you gona to love this movie or you gonna to hate it. Violence, gore and nudity but surprisingly enough all of that feels good and is actually quite hilarious. It is the best movie of the seson and much better than "The Expendables" so I recommend to watch it. And I haven't even used the word "Mexploitaiton" in this review. Well, until now.